It’s a cracker!

Apparently, Christmas cracker manufacturer Swantex is revamping its seasonal jokes because some of them might be offensive to Essex girls and mothers-in-law.

I thought perhaps we could contribute some career related lightbulb jokes. Hopefully, these will only cause offence to those with absolutely no sense of humour.

Broken by katmystiry

Are we sure these lightbulbs need changing?

Q. How many bankers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One, plus twelve others to help carry away the bonus after the taxpayers bail out the lightbulb, which was too big to fail.

Q. How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Only one, but they will require 19 billable hours to conduct due diligence on the transaction?

Q. How many market researchers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. (a) None; (b) One; (c) Two; (d) Far too many and the government should do something about it.

Q. How many advertising executives does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Never have to change a lightbulb again with the new Zero-Energy™ bulb. Guaranteed to use absolutely no electricity.* Save a fortune on your lighting bills.
*Illumination not included.

Q. How many statisticians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. 0.93 ± 0.22

Q. How many management consultants does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. A team of six to conduct an analysis of your business model showing that the work of this bulb could be distributed amongst the bulbs in adjoining rooms in a strategic illumination restructuring process.

Q. How many occupational psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One, to administer the BulbScope Adaptability Profiler™.

Q. How many librarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. I don’t know but I can look that up for you.

Q. How many ratings agencies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. We don’t change lightbulbs but we are prepared to downgrade the bulb’s status from 100W to 40W?

Q. How many government ministers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. We’re not sure if the lightbulb needs changing, but it was put in place by the previous administration so we can’t possibly keep it.

Q. How many teachers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One, but only if they have attended a seminar by the lightbulb examination board to get useful hints about the upcoming change.

Q. How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None, it’s not rocket science!

Q. How many forensic scientists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. I’m afraid we can’t let you touch the lightbulb until we have established exactly why it failed.

A. One.
Q. How many particle physicists does it take to change a lightbulb if neutrinos can travel faster than the speed of light?

Q. How many careers advisers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One, but we don’t change it ourselves, we just help it to establish the best way to implement its own change.

Q. How many European politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Twenty seven. They won’t actually change the bulb, but they will promise not to use the light quite so much in future in the hope that the Germans will pay for a new bulb. Meanwhile, the UK Prime Minister vetoes the whole thing to appease his backbenchers, who don’t trust this newfangled electricity and yearn for the good old days of gaslight.

If you have any more suggestions, please contribute them here…

Have a great Christmas and New Year.

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  1. #1 by Sabrina on 21 December 2011 - 18:38

    Career theory can be both funny AND seasonal?! Who knew?! Seasons Greetings and Merry New Year.

  2. #2 by Karen (@notchuraverage1) on 21 December 2011 - 20:14

    Fabulous post. Here are 2 more authored by a colleague of mine (just love the second one):

    How many carpenters does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to hold it, one to hammer it in.

    How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb? Several. One writes the action plan, the rest arrange a symposium “Coping with Darkness”.

  3. #3 by Jim Bright on 3 January 2012 - 22:36

    How many chaos theorists does it take to change a light bulb? It depends critically on the initial conditions: the state of the light bulb, the state of the replacement, the competency of the personal assigned to change it, the location of the bulb, the condition of the wiring, the chances of an electrical storm. In fact because the room is in total darkness we cannot be precise ahead of time about the number, but once the bulb is changed an emergent pattern of light will no doubt cast light on the answer….(if the replacement works of course and we cannot be certain about that until after the fact…)!!!!!

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